Ok, lately I have been in kind of a funk. A lot of it I blame on pregnancy hormones, but at the same time, a lot of it I was feeling before I was pregnant. I just seem to be overall unhappy lately and can't figure out why. It's like I am always looking for ways to be better or happier. Or I am looking for and expecting both things and people to make ME happy. I was thinking last night and onto today that I miss the person I used to be. I used to laugh all the time. You would always see me with a smile on my face. I used to joke and play around, and I was actually fun to be around. Now I have gotten to a point where I seem to have let the world steal my joy. I am always mad about something. I stress over little things, I worry about absolutely everything. And most of the time I try to figure out how to make myself better and have a sense of failure with most things that I do. For some reason I have convinced myself that I am not good enough. I'm not a good enough wife, mother, christian, etc. But is that just my low self-esteem getting to me and breaking me down? I always let my mind play tricks on me and get me in a panic that life is passing me by and I'm just screwing it up and missing all the good stuff. What I need to work on is how to get myself to a spot where I am content with where I am and who I am right now. Once I truly get to that point where I am happy. Not because I have certain things, or get certain things. And not because my life is perfect, but just to be happy. "Happy-go-lucky" Once I get to that point, moving on to bigger and better things will be much easier. But the problem is, how do I get there? I need to work each day on being happier. If you have suggestions feel free to shoot them my way. One thing I have realized that makes me happy is music. So maybe if I start to listen to music throughout the day and in the evening when I have things to do I will be more prone to be in a better mood. I need to find things that make me smile and start doing more of them. I want to be my old self again. ;)

Wow! I forgot how out of whack your hormones can get when you are pregnant. Things just seem to be setting me off all the time. And most of the time it is the simplest things. But at the time, I get really really mad. I am going on my 10th week (we think, haven't had the ultrasound yet). I thought I was getting over the morning sickness, but truth be known, it seems to just be moving to night sickness. :) I am getting the pregnancy heart burn that I had so terribly bad with Adrian. The weird thing is I don't remember all these symptoms with Adrian until I was further along. But I guess some of the added stress is from life. The first time I was pregnant, I was carefree, in the military, everything paid for, etc. I didn't really seem to have a care in the world. Now, of course, it's different. There are bills, a family at home to take care of, homework to be done, dinner, baths, bedtime, school, work. Yeah, I guess that would make things a little more stressful. Not to mention we need to find a house. My husband is still job searching. He is applying for a job with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department. Please pray for us that God will open a door for us, and soon. We just have faith that God will do his part. I know it will all come together, but it is stressful just riding through it all. Well, I am stressed at work today. I had some things I wanted to get done, but my pile seems to be getting bigger and bigger. Just thought I would take a minute to vent. Sometimes it helps. Back to work, and until next time......

Ready or Not!

Well, I found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant. And believe me, at first, I was devastated. (Well as devastated as a woman can be about having a baby) Let me explain that. I have been on birth control for almost 6 years now. Since I gave birth to my daughter. My husband and I recently moved to Louisiana and we are definitely not ready to have another child right now. He is trying to find a good job and we are looking for a house. So, obviously, we were caught by surprise when I found out I am pregnant. I was thinking why now. I always say I want another baby, I just thought it would be better timing. But, being a woman, and a mother, I quickly came to terms with my pregnancy. When a woman is pregnant, it is almost an instant bond with the miracle that is happening inside of you. For a man, not so much. A lot of men do not actually bond until they see the baby. With that in mind, my husband is still trying to adjust to the fact of having another baby. I know now though, that we don't always get to pick the time and that if it is God's time, then I have to go with it. I am so excited now to be having another baby. And thank God for the blessing. I went to my first Dr. appt. on Thursday, March 26, 2009. Without an ultrasound she said she thought I was about 8 weeks. So, we have a long journey ahead. But I guess it is much needed time to get ourselves situated and ready. One thing about this pregnancy is that it seems much different than my first time around. I am tired all the time. I seem to have absolutely no energy by mid afternoon. But when thinking about it, it makes me wonder, could this be because I have a husband, two kids, bills, a job, etc. Not just the pregnancy, but the pregnancy plus real life? I guess we will see. Until next time, keep me in your prayers!